We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
