My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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