Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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