I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
