I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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