So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
