i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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