dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
