im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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