Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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