I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
