Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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