Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
