I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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