Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
