people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I could make wine with my vomit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
