the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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