Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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