Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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