My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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