what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
