Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
