I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
