the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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