It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
