I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
