He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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