we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
