Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
