her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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