You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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