They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
