I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
