so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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