I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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