it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
