I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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