Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
