hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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