U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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