we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
