I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
