So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
