i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So. Much. Porn.
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