i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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