It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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