i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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