Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
