Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
