this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
