Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
