God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
