I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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