Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
