the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
