I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
